


If This Is A Rom-Com Kill The Director

by mightaswellll



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-07
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-02-07 20:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1913154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mightaswellll/pseuds/mightaswellll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been three years since Louis last saw Harry. The last thing he expects is to wake up and find him in his kitchen. A uni-au without a lot of uni in it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If This Is A Rom-Com Kill The Director

**Author's Note:**

  * For [abrokenkindofperfect (hockeycaptains)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hockeycaptains/gifts).



> This started out as an attempt to fulfill the prompt of "After three years of no communication, Harry and Louis reunite. It isn't simple. It isn't easy to breathe when they're in the same room as each other. (I like sad things okay if you write this one can you make it really sad and then fix it and end it hopeful?)" and by the end the only part of that prompt it really followed was "After three years of no communication, Harry and Louis reunite." I thought that maybe having plenty of time and a deadline would encourage me to write more regularly, but (to the surprise of no one who knows me) it didn't. Many of the scenes I could had in my head didn't make it because I ran out of time to write anything other than plot. I adjusted a couple things after it was all beta'd so any mistakes are 100% mine. Due to my poor time management, I didn't get this Brit-picked, so I'm sorry if it feels awkwardly sort of British and sort of American in parts. Title taken from Kill The Director by the Wombats
> 
> I hope you don't hate it.

If Louis were to make a list of people he was expecting to find in his kitchen this morning, Harry Styles would be on the very bottom. Especially Harry Styles with his curls a mess only wearing tight black boxer briefs and he has _holyfuckingshit_ tattoos. He would be less surprised to find David Beckham in his kitchen. Unfortunately no Becks, just Harry. A taller, leaner, slightly more fit Harry than he was three years ago, but Harry Styles nonetheless.

“Um. What the actual fuck,” the words come out of Louis’ mouth before he can even process what is going on. Maybe he should go back to sleep, clearly this is a weird dream. He is probably still asleep on the late night train heading to Manchester after a week of being with his family. The sound of the mug crashing to the ground and the look of pure shock on Harry’s face when he whips around to face Louis unfortunately means he isn’t dreaming. This is actually happening. “What. The. Actual. Fuck.” he repeats.

“What are you doing here?” Harry blurts out, eyes still too wide and his face pale.

“Well, Styles, I was planning on making a cuppa, because I live here, but someone just broke my favorite mug. What are you doing in my kitchen, in the flat I’ve lived in for the past year?” Louis crosses his arms and stares at Harry with as much intensity as he can manage before his first cup of tea. Harry goes bright red and opens his mouth, but before he can get any words out, Niall stumbles in wearing nothing but shamrock boxers.

“Is everything alright? I thought I heard a crash,” Niall half mumbles before catching sight of the scene in front of him. “Ah, shit Lou, you loved that mug. Hopefully this won’t ruin things with our new roommate Harry here.” This time it’s Louis’ turn for shock.

“You’re Liam’s friend?!” he accuses. Harry drops his head a little sheepishly, and nods slightly. When Liam said that he had someone to take Zayn’s place after Zayn finally officially moved in with him, he didn’t warn them that it is Louis’ ex-best friend that he hasn’t seen in over three years. It’s not something he can process without some warning. “Right. Okay. So I’m going back to sleep. I’d better have a new mug by the time I wake up. It’s the least you can do.”

He turns, and walks back to his room. He can hear Niall apologizing for him, saying something about how crazy Louis is about tea. He purposely stops trying to listen before Harry speaks. He doesn’t care what Harry tells Niall. As he crawls back into bed he wonders what it’ll mean if this ends up being a weird dream.

When Louis wakes up again there is no sign of Harry anywhere in the flat. The only sign that the whole thing wasn’t just some strange dream is a mug saying “WORLD’S BEST GRANDMA” and a note that reads “ _I hope this will do. -H_ ”. Louis shrugs to himself; it's not a cat shaped mug that says “meow please” on the inside, but a mug is a mug. He rinses out the mug and goes about making tea. Once finished, he wanders into the living room and sits on the Niall shaped lump on the couch.

“Oi! Person here!” Niall grumbles from under him. Louis just settles himself more comfortably on top of him.

“Are you trying to imply that I’m fat?” Louis accuses in mock outrage. Something along the lines of “if the shoe fits” comes out of Niall’s mouth, but he chooses to ignore it. Niall kicks his legs a bit, almost causing Louis to spill some tea. Louis pinches Niall’s side in retaliation before moving himself to the comfy chair. “I’m only letting you win so you’ll tell me about Harry.”

“Don’t fuck him. He’s a nice kid and I’d like to keep him around thank you very much.”

“I wouldn’t be too worried about that. I’m just interested because we’re apparently going to be living together for awhile.” Louis hopes he sounds more nonchalant than he feels. He calmly takes a sip of tea. He was almost a drama major, he can totally pretend that seeing Harry again didn’t shake him. He focuses his attention to the trashy show playing on the TV. Richard is NOT the father, imagine that.

“Riiight. I’ll pretend I’ll believe that. While I’m at it I’ll pretend that I didn’t see that tension in the kitchen. It was just a mug. I’ve broken mugs before and you just laughed it off. So I’ll pretend this morning didn’t happen, if you don’t fuck him.” Louis can feel Niall’s smirk. He’s about to open his mouth to argue. It wasn’t just any mug, it was his favorite mug, and no one can be mad at Niall. It’s like being angry at a puppy, it just doesn’t last. Niall interrupts him before he can even start. “Anyway, Harry Edward Styles. 19. Cheshire. Dunno if he’s into dudes or not. Child nursing major. Works part time at a bakery, which is where he is right now. Lived in London for the past year. Not sure how he knows Liam actually. That’s all I know. Anything else you’ll have to ask yourself.”

Louis nods to himself. That’s probably enough information for now. He’s still not sure how Harry ended up back in his life but he has no reason to demand answers from Liam yet. He’s not sure his excuse of wanting to know more about his new roomate would hold, especially with Zayn and his too observant eyes there. Zayn would weasle the truth out of him, and Louis doesn’t think he’s quite ready to open up about how deeply Harry had managed to hurt him.

“I’m not gonna fuck him,” Louis mutters after realizing he’s been quiet for too long. “‘Sides, I’m pretty sure he’s into women. Just a vibe I got.” Niall just snorts and turns up the volume on the TV.

* * *

“Do you even exist outside of my kitchen? Is this some crazy dream? Am I in a coma?” Louis questions Harry the next morning when he is, once again, greeted with the sight of the boy in nothing but boxer briefs, this time frying an egg.

“Yep. Your crazy coma brain has chosen me to be your guide to whatever side of the tunnel you choose. Mazel tov.” Harry’s deep voice rumbles through the kitchen. Louis hides his amusement by grabbing the grandma mug and going about making his tea. “Um. Here?” Harry offers him an egg on toast. He inspects skeptically and glances back at Harry.

“You didn’t poison it or summat did you?” Harry just bites his lip and shakes his head. Deciding that is good enough, Louis shrugs and takes a bite. It’s good. He shouldn’t have been surprised, sixteen year-old Harry had been better in the kitchen than Louis ever was, so why wouldn’t nineteen year-old Harry be even better?

“Hey, um,” Harry’s mumbling voice interrupts his thoughts. Louis nods at him to continue, chewing a bite of the toast. “I uh, I’m, I could, uh-”

“Christ Styles. Sometime this year if you could.” Harry flushes and glares at him before focusing his attention to where he’s rubbing his big toes against each other. Louis rolls his eyes and gestures at him to continue.

“It’s just. I know you hate me, and you probably should, and it’s your home, and I was just thinking I could probably find somewhere else to live. If you wanted. You probably should. I didn’t think that when Liam talked about his mate Louis, he was talking about you. I mean, I had heard you moved to Doncaster, and I know how close you are with your family, so I figured you were in Manchester, but I didn’t think I’d ever see you. Manchester’s a big city, yeah? But Louis isn’t that common of a name, and I should’ve-”

“Harold.” Louis interrupts his ramblings before Harry trips himself standing up. Harry’s eyes snap up, wide and bright in shock. Louis isn’t sure if it’s because of the nickname, or if he was reminded that he wasn’t rambling to an empty room. Louis takes a sip of his tea and considers his offer. On one hand he’d never have to see Harry again, which is a plus, but on the other… On the other their best mates are dating and so they’d end up seeing each other at points, and he’d rather not have those times be awkward as hell. Also, if he told Harry he had to move out, he’d have to explain to everyone why, and he’s spent a good three years smashing down the memories of sweetheart Styles’ asshole side. Realizing he’s been quiet for too long, he speaks up, before Harry spontaneously combusts by his nervous fidgeting.

“You can stay. I’m guessing you don’t have a problem with gay people in general, since you’re friends with Liam. Which either means you’ve grown up in the past three years, or your problem was specifically with me being gay. I’m hoping it’s the former, but if it turns out it was the latter, then you’ll have to find a new place to live. Sound okay?” Harry breaks out in his brightest grin, and Louis suddenly feels like it was three years ago, before everything fell apart, back to when they were HarryandLouis, best mates, together forever, partners in crime. His breath is knocked out of him, and he can’t help but to wonder if he’s making a mistake.

“You won’t regret this, Lou!” Harry promises and starts to leave the kitchen. He stops right before he reaches the hallway and pivots back around. He just looks at Louis for a minute, then pushes his hair out of his face. “And. Um. It’s probably three years too late, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ve never regretted anything nearly as much. I was sixteen, and I know it’s not an excuse but, I was really fucking stupid. I shouldn’t have done that. By the time I realized everything you were gone. I’m just so sorry.”

That was a bit unexpected. He had figured Harry would apologize at some point. He just wasn’t expecting it so soon, or with Harry watching him, his eyes shining with hope, his face open and earnest in a way that only Harry can do genuinely, and it’s just. It’s too much. He’s not quite ready. He’s just barely started to come to terms with having Harry back in his life. He’s never really properly dealt with everything, and never really expected to be in a situation like this, but he is and he’s just not ready.

“Harry--” his voice cracks slightly as he gets the name out “---I really appreciate that. I’m not quite ready to forgive you yet. But I’ll work on it, yeah?” He watches Harry’s face crumple briefly before it gets schooled back into something a bit more neutral.

“That’s okay. I- I have to get ready for work. Thank you for letting me stay here.” This time Harry actually leaves the kitchen, with Louis still processing everything that just happened. Harry made him breakfast. He’s letting Harry live here. Harry apologized. He numbly pours out the rest of his lukewarm tea and contemplates the reality that is once again having Harry Styles in his life.

* * *

“Liam. Li. Lami.” Louis calls out to his friend while they’re working together later that day. The other boy doesn’t even bother to look up from the table he’s cleaning. It’s one of actual tables. The small shop’s furniture is made up mostly of second-hand sofas, overstuffed chairs, and coffee tables, but there are about three dining room tables against a couple of the walls. During the school year there are typically students working at those. Today, however, it most recently sat a mother and her two small, messy sons.

“Louis. Lou. Lewis.” Liam returns. He pauses for a moment, and looks at Louis with a smug expression that Louis does not appreciate. “This is about Harry, isn’t it?”

Louis pretends to concentrate on straightening up the pastry case. “Of course not!” he scoffs, “but since you mentioned him, I guess I’m kind of curious as to how you two became good friends.” He doesn’t have to see Liam to know that he’s smirking.

“Right. An attractive friend of mine that you’ve never met starts living in your flat, and you’re not curious about him.” Louis can hear the smirk in his friend’s voice. Sometimes he misses the old days when he first started at The Coffeeshop and Liam was a no nonsense rule follower. It only took six months with Louis to change that. That was also around the time he introduced Liam to Zayn, but he chooses to write that off as coincidence.

“Smug does not suit you, Payno. Just tell me how you know the boy, yeah?” He gives up all pretenses of work and sits himself on the back counter. It’s probably against some sort of health code, but he can’t find it in himself to actually care. He watches as Liam moves on to the next table.

“It’s not that interesting of a story really. I grew up in Wolverhampton, yeah? But just before my last year of college my dad got transferred to the US for a year, so I went to go live with my aunt in Holmes Chapel so my education wouldn’t get messed up. They didn’t trust Americans to teach me properly I guess. Anyway, Harry and I were the last two people without lab partners in chemistry so we were paired together. He was a bit of a loner? Which seems strange because the more I got to know him the more it didn’t make sense. He’s quite the charmer, and a sweetheart. I asked him once about it and he said ‘I don’t really deserve friends anymore.’ He looked so sad, so I didn’t push but I’ve always wondered why he thought that. I guess he accepted the fact that he’s going to have friends because he’s got me, and I know he made several in London so I’m not too worried about him thinking that anymore. We kept in touch after I left for uni, and here we are now. He needed a place to stay, you needed another roommate. Does that answer your question?”

Louis doesn’t notice the way that Liam is looking at him, because at some point he started fiddling with his fingers, trying to process a friendless Harry. He never thought about what would happen to Harry after their falling out. Harry seemed so content with removing Louis from his life that he had always figured Harry would carry on like he always had, charming the pants off anyone he smiled in the direction of. The world had always handed itself to Harry Styles, why would that ever change? Louis tries to tell himself that it is good that Harry had been hurt by what happened. That he deserved it. Somehow that isn’t very comforting at all. There is still a part of him that belongs to the babyfaced sixteen-year-old Styles that feels the need to protect him. Louis isn’t sure what that means.

“Lou?” Liam calls softly. Louis startles when he sees the boy’s concerned puppy eyes directly in his face, instead of across the room where he had seen him last. He shoves his thoughts of protecting Harry to the back of his mind and rolls his eyes. He pushes Liam away, jumps off the counter, and goes back to actually work on the pastry case. Not to steal a cookie. Nope, not at all.

“Riveting story, Li. Really,” he says dryly, closely examining a pink frosted cookie for damage. Hide everything with sarcasm. Conceal, don’t feel and shit. Liam scoffs and hits him with the towel, before starting to wipe down the front counter, doing actual work like a knob.

“Right, well, just don’t fuck him, yeah? I’m rather fond of the kid.”

Instead of rolling his eyes like he wants to, he decides that the cookie is too damaged to sell. There’s a giant thumbprint on the top that definitely isn’t his. He would never do that. He straightens back up and sends a glare Liam’s way.

“What is it with you and Niall lately? You two know I don’t purposely fuck straight boys. That’s a dangerous path to confusion and heartbreak.” He takes a bite of the cookie, still looking at Liam through narrowed eyes. Liam laughs, that bastard.

“Alright Tommo. Niall told me about the tension the other morning.” Liam’s brows scrunch in confusion for a moment and then he quickly turns in Louis' direction. “You think he’s straight?”

“I don’t think he’s straight. I know it,” he says carefully, as if explaining something to a small child. He finishes the cookie and wipes the crumbs off his shirt.

“Okay. Why do you know-” Liam starts but is interrupted by a customer walking in. Louis gets into position behind the machine as Liam greets the customer and takes their order. He’s quite thankful for the distraction as more customers trickle in for the evening rush. He’s not quite sure he’s ready to talk about his twelve years of friendship with Harry Styles and how it all fell apart after he came out just yet.

* * *

Louis walks into the living room one afternoon after what was meant to be dedicated to finishing up an introductory assignment, but what ended with him taking nap, to find Harry lying on the couch. Between Louis’ closing shifts at The Coffeeshop, and Harry’s morning shifts at the bakery it’s the first time he’s seen him other than in passing in nearly a week. He appears so young and soft, in an old pair of plaid pajama pants, legs dangling off the end of the couch, small smile on his face. It reminds Louis so much of the Harry he used to know that he’s overwhelmed with the urge to cuddle up with him like he might’ve done when they were younger. Before he even realizes what he’s doing, Louis is walking into the living room and peering down at Harry.

"Can I help you?” Harry’s voice rumbles. He’s staring at him rather intently and Louis can’t help but to feel slightly self conscious in his thin white t-shirt and old joggers with the bleach stain on the thigh. This awkwardness he feels around Harry needs to end, he’s just a boy. Just a boy he was best friends with for twelve years until he wasn’t, but just a boy all the same. A boy that he isn’t interested in being more than friends with, and who isn’t interested in him either. A boy he’s going to be living with for at least the next four months. A boy he promised he’d try to forgive.

“Budge up,” he finally replies, tapping on Harry’s shin. He complies and Louis makes himself comfortable in the space Harry made for him by curling himself up as much as possible. “What are we watching?” He hears something that sounds like “Love Actually” and doesn’t tease the younger boy like he would’ve anyone else. Love Actually is an old Harry favorite, and Louis isn’t sure they’re at the teasing stage of whatever their relationship is now. He merely nods in acknowledgement.

Instead of concentrating on the movie though, he finds himself thinking about what Liam said about Harry. His chest aches a bit still at the thought of a friendless Harry. Louis thinks that maybe he owes him an apology as well. He probably does. What he really needs to do is talk to Zayn about it. Zayn has always has a way of seeing things in ways Louis never does. Louis has spent so long feeling hurt and confused that an outsider’s perspective would be good. However, Zayn is dating Liam, and Liam is Harry’s friend, and Zayn would probably tell Liam everything, and Liam would tell Harry, and Louis isn’t sure he wants that. He’s unsure of a lot of things at the moment, a feeling that’s never sat well with him. He decides not to think about it anymore.

About halfway through the movie he feels Harry’s feet press against his thigh. He glances over at the boy squished up on two sections of the couch. “Haz,” he says softly, the nickname slipping out before he can stop it. Harry hums in response. “You can stretch out. I won’t burn you, or like, shave a dick in your leg hair.” Harry giggles quietly and carefully shifts around until he’s comfortable, with his legs in Louis’ lap. It’s nice to know that he can still make Harry giggle with a penis joke. Maybe this Harry isn’t too different from the one he used to know. Remembering how much the curly boy dislikes being interrupted while watching a movie he enjoys, Louis settles into watching the rest of the movie.

* * *

Louis opens his eyes, slightly disoriented. He remembers finishing Love Actually, Harry finding a Harry Potter marathon on TV and insisting they watch it. They ordered pizza part way through the third movie, but he doesn’t quite remember the end of the fourth. He definitely doesn’t remember falling asleep spooned up behind Harry with one arm holding him close and a blanket thrown over them. His eyes flit around the room trying to find some clues as to how he ended up like this, to find Niall smirking at him while walking to his room. Louis groans and nudges Harry.

“Harold,” he croaks out. All he gets from that is a grumble and a boy trying to cuddle closer. “Harry. Wake up. We fell asleep.” He tries again, sitting himself up carefully so the other boy doesn’t fall off. This time he’s met with glassy green eyes blinking at him.

“Lou? I thought...” A puzzled expression flits across Harry’s features, his eyes darting around a bit. “Right. Manchester.”

“That’s right sleepyhead, Manchester. Now time to get up and go to bed. Niall’s already home from his shift at the pub so it’s probably around 2am.” Louis tries not to smile fondly as Harry grumbles some more and rolls off the couch and onto the floor. He decides it’s time to get up himself and makes his way to his room. “Goodnight Hazza,” he calls softly as he enters his room.

He’s pretty sure he’s fucked. The more time he spends with this 19 year-old Harry, the more he remembers the time spent with 16 year-old and younger Harry, and the less he remembers the pain of everything else that happened. He’s still not sure he’s ready to forgive, and he can’t start cuddling with Harry on the couch like they’re best mates all over again. He also can’t deny the pull he feels toward the kid. Despite everything there’s still a need to make sure that Harry’s happy, and that he’s the one to do it. He definitely needs to start watching himself better.

* * *

As if Harry comes to the same conclusion, they both start being more careful around each other. If they spend time together, it was never next to each other. Time in the living room has one on the couch, and one on the chair. Meals are only eaten together if Niall is also there, otherwise Harry will just leave him a plate if he cooked, and take out is left in the fridge. It is slightly awkward. They are both trying to feel each other out, trying to get to know and understand who each other are now. Louis learns about Harry spending a gap year in London, trying to make it into the music industry. How he met Ed Sheeran at an open mic in a dingy pub on the first night and ended up living with him until Ed started his tour, and Harry had to move to Manchester for school. How Harry was so sure that he was destined to become a rockstar until he started working part time in a primary school where he learned that what he really wanted to do was help kids. How he still writes songs for fun and is thinking of going to some local open mics because he misses performing. How he decided to go to school in Manchester instead of staying in London because he missed his family and wanted to be closer to home.

In return Louis introduces his current self. The one who took a year off to help his mom and sisters get settled after the divorce. The one who changed his mind about being a drama major after seeing the poor way his parent’s divorce got handled, and decided to go into family law instead because he knew he could do better for other families. The one who got randomly assigned to be roommates with Zayn, and the mischief they got up to their first year. The one who crashed a party thrown by Niall, and left with a new friend. The one who introduced Liam to Zayn, and may have locked them out on Liam’s balcony until they got together after tiptoeing around each other’s feelings for three months. This careful, uneasy friendship they’ve got going goes on for awhile, and next thing Louis knows, it’s late-October.

It’s a Friday night, and miraculously, everyone has the night off, so the five of them decide to celebrate by going to a club. This isn’t the first time they’ve all spent time together, and it’s not the first time they’ve all gone out, but it’s the first time at a club. Niall insisted they do something special because “it’s half-term, mates!”

“Ya goin’ ta pull tonight, Tommo?” the Irish lad asks knowingly. Louis just shrugs. He’s been in a bit of a dry spell. If asked, he’d say it’s because he’s been trying to concentrate on his courses, that it’s his final year and he wants to end as the good student he never quite managed to be the first two years. None of which is untrue, but if he was being really honest it was because he’s gotten a bit bored of casual sex. He’s nearing 22 years-old and has yet to be in a proper relationship, and for the first time he’s been wanting one. Although, it has been months, and there is a tall boy with short hair near the bar that’s been checking him out.

“We’ll see if anyone can handle this jelly,” he says, rolling his hips a little. Harry snorts from where he’s still sitting in their booth. Zayn and Liam left them about fifteen minutes ago, mumbling something about another round of shots, but Louis can’t see them, and isn’t sure he really wants to know what they’re up to right now. He’s standing, ready to go out on the dance floor, with or without another shot.

“I don’t think anyone can handle that,” Harry draws out, the alcohol making him speak even slower than his normal slow pace. Louis gasps dramatically and places a hand on his chest.

“Are you calling me fat, Curly?!” he accuses. He knows he’s hot in a simple dark red scoopneck shirt and skinny jeans. Harry, being the ridiculous man-child that he is, just giggles. “Such rudeness needs punishment! I’m taking your drink mister!” He swipes the drink from the table before Harry can stop it. It’s a blue thing in a fancy glass with three umbrellas. It’s very sweet, tastes like raspberries, and is better than whatever shit Niall brought him. He drinks finishes it off, and sets it on the table. “I’m off to go break hearts and take names.”

Louis loses himself in the crowd without bothering to notice if either of the other boys followed him. He’s somewhere between tipsy and full on drunk, and just gives into the feeling of bodies pressed against him and the beat of the music. He doesn’t know if he’s been gone for ten minutes, or two hours, but when he decides he’s thirsty and makes his way back to the table, Zayn and Liam are there, and Niall and Harry are gone. There are a couple shots on the table and he quickly downs them both and glances around. He spots Niall by the bar but doesn’t see Harry anywhere.

“Harry left with someone already,” Liam informs him before he can even ask. Louis raises an eyebrow. It's not surprising. Harry is an attractive lad after all. It shouldn’t make Louis want to punch something, even if it does.

“Good for him.”he says as he slides in next to Zayn. Zayn and Liam exchange a look that Louis doesn’t even try to interpret. They’re always communicating in glances. Zayn is clearly about to say something when Niall shows up.

“Lads! Pints!” Niall announces, setting the glasses on the table. He thinks that Niall is his favorite person right now. He doesn’t do much more thinking for the rest of the night. Fuck Harry. He doesn’t need him around to have fun with the lads.

* * *

Louis wakes up to a pounding headache. His eyes search the room. Light blue walls. Piles of clothes. Most of the space taken up by the bed. It’s definitely his room. He’s not sure how he got home but he guesses that the Zayn in bed next to him has something to do with it. There’s a glass of water on his bedside table and a couple of pills that he identifies as aspirin. He slowly drinks the water and swallows the pills and lays back down. The clock reads 2:13 and he decides that he can probably wake Zayn up without being killed.

“Zaayyynnn,” he whines. The boy next to him turns around and stares at him. An already awake Zayn makes things easier. “I don’t remember getting home.” Zayn smiles at him, and everything about how perfect he still manages to be in the mornings with his cheekbones and hair and skin is mocking him. That fucker probably isn’t even hung over.

“You did have a lot to drink. You kept insisting you had to tell me something about Harry, but that I couldn’t tell ‘Lami’ so I took you home, made you drink some water and get into bed. You passed out before I could even turn the light off,” Zayn explains, sounding amused the whole time. Louis groans and buries his face in his pillow. “Are you ready to talk about Harry, babes?”

“I need a cuppa first,” Louis grumbles, face still buried. He feels the bed shift and hears feet hit the floor.

“Stay there. You didn’t vom last night, and I don’t want you to do so this morning. I’ll get your tea.” Once he hears him leave the room he carefully rolls over and sits up. He ponders how he can get out of this conversation but by the time Zayn gets back he still hasn’t come up with anything.

“Thank you,” he offers quietly when he’s handed the tea. It’s in the Grandma mug. Of course. Zayn settles himself on the bed next to him and motions for him to go on. He waits until he’s had a couple sips of tea though. “Right. Well. Um. It’s kind of complicated. Well. It feels complicated. But basically, when I was six my family moved to Holmes Chapel for my dad’s job and Harry’s family lived right across the street? And even though I was six and he was four we sort of became best mates immediately. We were ridiculously close. Too close probably. We slept at each other’s house nearly every weekend, cuddled up with each other because by time we were old enough to think that maybe we shouldn’t we didn’t care. Best mates for life. Us against the world. Told each other everything. Well. Nearly everything.” Louis frowns and drinks a bit more of his tea. Zayn scootches over a bit closer to him, but doesn’t say anything.

“When I was about 16 I realized that I liked boys. I didn’t tell anyone, not even Harry, because it was a very small village, and I didn’t want to be the center of gossip. It’s not that I didn’t trust Harry to not tell anyone, but I didn’t know how to tell him, and I was afraid of how he would react. My parents started fighting more and my thoughts became filled with that and protecting my sisters instead.

After I turned 18, I got tired of pretending. Pretending to be straight, pretending that I didn’t know my parents were going to get divorced, pretending that everything was going to be alright. I knew I had to keep pretending about my parents and stuff for my sisters, but I finally decided to stop pretending to be straight. I came out to Harry first, of course, and he promised nothing would change between us. So I broke up with the girl I was sort of dating, loudly talked about how fit several male celebrities were, started wearing braces and brightly colored pants, and when someone finally asked if I was gay I confirmed it. And I was the topic of gossip, just as I thought, but no one really gave me any trouble,” Louis pauses for minute. He does it partly for dramatic effect, but mostly because he’s about to relive the part of his life the he likes to pretend never happened.

He turns the mug around in his hands, gazing into the brown liquid, trying to gather his thoughts. The tea reveals nothing as to how to make this next part less painful. He places it gently on the side table, next to his empty water glass. He’s too exposed. Too vulnerable. He moves to lay down on his side, pulls his knees up to his chest, and squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. He feels Zayn settle down next to him and then there’s a comforting hand rubbing his arm. He opens his eyes to find gentle brown ones encouraging him to continue. He clears his throat slightly and starts again.

“The only person who seemed to truly mind was Harry. Who promised that it didn’t change anything. Said I was still the same Lou. Promised that he would always be my best friend. But suddenly he was busy on weekends and didn’t want to come over as much and never wanted to stay the night. Refused to cuddle me when I insisted on staying over at his house. He’d abandon me at parties in favor of making out in some corner with some girl. One time I accidently walked in on him going down on a random girl. Things were especially awkward after that. He stopped eating lunch with me, and meeting up on our free period that we were so excited to have together. He would barely return my texts. This went on for months. I never felt so alone. I had friends outside of Harry, but none anywhere near as close, and with everything going on I didn’t want to leave the house much. They invited me to parties but I didn’t want to go out and watch as Harry ignored me to hook up with some girl,” Louis takes a deep breath and uncurls himself to snuggle close to his friend. The next part is one of the hardest parts to think about. He reaches out and takes Zayn’s hand. It feels like an anchor for the stormy seas on the horizon.

“The night my parents’ divorce was finalized I went into his room and called him on his shitty behavior. He just stared blankly at the floor as I yelled at him for being a terrible friend. Didn’t even look at me as I sobbed, begging to know what I did wrong, why he changed his mind. Why he was the only one that acts different now that I was out. That caused a reaction. That caused him to quietly tell me that people did talk shit, that I just didn’t listen, and maybe if I stopped shoving my gayness in everyone’s faces people would stop, and stop assuming things about him by association.

I was stunned. I didn’t even say anything. I just stumbled out of his room, ignored the concern from his mother who was like a second mum to me, and sprinted back across the street to my home. I locked myself in my room for three days and just sobbed. Then I pulled myself together. I had to. The school year was over, the divorce was final, and we had to move back to Doncaster. My mum got a job again at her old clinic, and wanted to be close to my grandparents again. I took a year off to help everything get settled. I never told Harry that I was moving. I had planned to the day I stormed over, but I didn’t really get the chance. I never saw Harry again until August.”

He relaxes his grip on Zayn’s hand and tries to let go, but Zayn doesn’t let him. He was okay then, and is okay now, but they steady pressure is still reassuring. He debates leaving the story there. He feels compelled to keep going. He almost smiles because he’s worried that Zayn is worried about his past self, and he wants to comfort him, even though Zayn’s the one providing him comfort. He gives the hand a small squeeze and pulls his hand away. He tangles their legs and wraps an arm around Zayn’s waist. This usually pliant Zayn pulls him a little closer. Liam will understand.

“After we moved I decided to prove Harry wrong. That there was nothing wrong with my sexuality. I acted more camp than I was. I tried to be the definition of a twink. And I slept with just about every man who expressed interest. That wasn’t really me though. It left me feeling empty and still so alone. By the time I got to uni, I settled down and settled into myself. I had you and Liam and Niall, and you know I’m friendly with several more people on campus. It was good. I wasn’t alone anymore,” that’s it. That’s all of it. The whole story. He made it through with his heart still beating in his chest, and not splattered on the floor the way he thought it would be. A piece of something nags at his brain and he frowns. Maybe he’s not completely done.

“There’s one more thing though. About a month after we moved, I started getting calls from Harry every couple of days. I ignored every single one of them. After two weeks of calls, I finally sent him a text telling him to leave me alone. He stopped and I was relieved and never really thought about it again until Liam told me how he and Harry became friends. So now I think that was probably trying to apologize and make sure I was okay. And I think that maybe I should apologize for that. Even though he hurt me so badly I still wanted to have my best friend back, and if I could’ve just given him a chance I think I would’ve been able to get him back and saved us both a lot of pain. What do you think?” The last bit came out in a whisper. He’s done for real this time. Nothing left to tell. It’s all out in the open, but maybe it’s not hopeless. He still has Zayn holding him close, and all his pieces are being held together well enough.

“I think you really need to talk to Harry,” Zayn says softly, holding Louis a little closer. He nods and makes no move to break the cuddle. It’s the first time that he’s ever told the whole story, even his mum only knows bits and pieces, and while he’s no longer in pieces he still feels like he might fall apart on his own. Zayn must know that he still needs to be held because they stay like that until Louis drifts back to sleep. His last thoughts involve Harry holding some glue.

* * *

It takes a few days for Louis to stop feeling completely exposed and approach Harry. He approaches him in the kitchen, because apparently all their important conversations happen in there. Harry is in the process of making fajitas for dinner. Niall is working so it’s just the two of them. He sits himself on the counter, and watches Harry for a couple of minutes before deciding to just get it over with.

“So,” he starts. “I told Zayn our story. He says I should probably talk to you about it, and he’s usually right.” Not his worst attempt at bringing up a subject. He watches Harry’s shoulders droop slightly.

“Yeah.” Harry mutters. “But. Uh. I’m not going to try to get out of this in the slightest, but dinner is just about done? Can it wait until after we eat?”

“I guess. But if I notice you trying to get out of talking to me I will sit on you until have to,” Louis tries to tease. His voice is a little more serious than he intended but there’s nothing he can do about that. He hops off the counter and grabs the stuff to set the table. By the time he’s done Harry brings over the food. Dinner is a pretty quiet affair. Louis realizes that it’s the first time just the two of them sat down to dinner together. They quickly clean up and settle themselves on opposite ends of the couch. Louis tucked his feet under Harry’s thigh in an attempt to show him that he’s not upset. Also because his toes are cold. Maybe he should wear socks. Harry smiles softly and places his hand on his ankles

“Um. Okay. I think that I owe you a bit of an explanation. Uh, please don’t say anything until I’m done,” Harry begins. Louis holds in the attitude he wants to give him. He doesn’t think it’ll help things. Harry’s looking down at his hands as they start softly rubbing Louis’ skin. It feels nice. “Uh. Well. It’s like this, and I know this in no way excuses my behavior, and I have felt bad ever since, and I’m so glad you’re giving me this chance to explain, and maybe forgive me. Anyway. When you came out I was just realizing that maybe I was gay. Not just maybe, but actually full on gay. And I didn’t want to be. I honestly didn’t have a problem with you being gay, and I was proud of you for being honest with yourself and everyone else.”

Louis watches Harry’s face scowl for a moment, his hands stilling on Louis’ ankles. It’s very difficult for him to keep himself from pointing out that it sure as hell didn’t feel that way at the time. This isn’t about Louis, it’s about Harry. It’s about understanding and maybe even forgiving, and he promised he’d stay quiet for it. It’s not too long before Harry’s, and his hands, start again.

“It was fine if you were gay, but I didn’t want to be. While I didn’t really hear very many people talk shit about you specifically, I still heard people say things like ‘that’s so gay’ and ‘what a fag’. And I heard older customers at work talk about how sorry they were for your family for having a little fag in the family on top of everything else. What I heard was that it wasn’t okay for someone to be gay. So I tried not to be. I fucked girls, all the while pretending it was what I wanted. But I couldn’t fool myself. And I thought ‘maybe I just think I’m gay because Louis’ gay’ so I tried to get some distance. Sleeping in the same bed as your best mate? Super gay, so that had to stop. Standing so close to someone so camp? Probably gay. Only. I didn’t know what a laddish distance would be for us. So I just stayed away completely. Texting made staying away harder so that had to stop too.

Before I knew it I was barely seeing you. It felt pretty awful. I could see how sad you looked at school. I remembered you talking about how bad the fighting was getting at your house. All I wanted was to close that distance. Well. Almost all. More than that I wanted to be not gay. Even if that meant being a shitty friend and cutting my favorite person out of my life.”

Harry’s eyes move to Louis’ for just a moment, pleading for something, but Louis isn’t sure what. He wants to give it anyway. He wants to give this beautiful boy the world. He wanted to when they were younger, and now he wonders if that ever stopped. Harry pulls Louis’ feet into his lap and his concentration goes into rubbing his feet. It relaxes Louis so much that he almost misses Harry start talking again.

“But it didn’t work. You were just gone, without a word. Which I probably deserved but that hurt. But you were gone, and I was still gay. So I shut everyone out, and shut myself in my house. My mom left me wallow for three weeks. She figured I was just missing you, especially after the way you left the last time I saw you. When she realized I had stopped going into work, she asked me what was wrong, and it was like a dam broke. I sobbed and told her everything. She told me that she would always love me no matter what, and that the people who said those things were not the type of people I wanted to be associated with. She reminded me that I didn’t have to change myself just to make people comfortable. And it helped. A lot. I know it’s not always that easy but it was for me, and I feel lucky for it. She also suggested calling you and trying to work things out, but you never answered, and I didn’t blame you, so I respected your text.

I was never really out at school, except to Liam, and only after he came out to me. I stopped trying to be straight though. I stopped hooking up with girls and mostly kept to myself. After what happened with you I felt a bit like I didn’t deserve friends. I resisted Liam at first because of that, but he didn’t really let me. I thought that maybe it was just because he didn’t really talk to anyone else. I still don’t know why he put up with me but I’m glad he did, if for no other reason than it brought me back to you.” There’s a slight blush on Harry’s cheeks, and he’s staring rather intently where his hands are still massaging Louis’ feet.

Harry is gay. So that’s a thing in his life. A thing he maybe should not be so surprised by. Harry is gay, and it hurt him. Somehow this was not what he was expecting from this conversation. Although, he supposes it makes sense. Typically Harry was the type to happily let people live their lives how they wanted as long as they were happy and no one got hurt. It’s one of the reasons why everyone loves him, and why it hurt so much when he lost him after coming out. He feels Harry let go of his ankles and realizes that he needs to do or say something. Louis moves quickly, so that he’s straddling Harry’s lap and pulls him into a hug.

“I’m so so sorry. I’m sorry you felt that way. I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls, even though I could’ve probably guessed you would’ve been apologizing. I’m sorry you felt like you didn’t deserve to have any friends. I’m so sorry it took me almost two months with having you back in my life to forgive you. I knew you weren’t the same as you were when we moved out of Holmes Chapel, it shouldn’t have taken me this long.” The longer Louis talks the more Harry relaxes into the hug. Louis starts just softly repeating “I’m sorry”, and Harry keeps repeating “it’s okay” and maybe it is.

They eventually break the hug. Neither of them feel like talking anymore so they switch on the TV to some cooking challenge, and if Louis wakes up again cuddling Harry when Niall gets home, then Niall and his knowing looks can just go fuck themselves.

* * *

After that everything changes. Whenever possible where there was a Louis, there was a Harry. They cuddle on the couch and watch TV or movies. If neither of them is working or have class they’ll study or work on assignments together in the Library. If one of them is working, the other could be found there hanging out. Louis finds himself saying no offers to go out with the other boys in favor of having a night in with Harry. He’s pretty much lost contact with anyone else. The first time Louis crashes Harry’s skype date with his mum, Louis ends up talking to her for an hour before Harry whines that it was _his_ mum and that he’s the one that should be talking to _her_. Louis tells him that she is his mum too and he hasn’t seen her in years. This leads to them arguing over who should get to talk to her, until Anne interrupts them to tell them that she has to go. Louis gives her his actual mum’s number, and they hang up. Harry pouts at him until Louis tickles him into submission. Harry gets him back the next day while Louis is on the phone with Jo by taking the phone out of his hand and chatting with her instead of Louis. They get lost in this bubble of HarryandLouis for nearly a month.

“Haazzzzaaaa,” Louis whines from where he’s laying on the floor with his textbook on his face. “I know exams are coming up, but we’ve been studying every night this week. It’s friday. Let’s go out. Zayn and Liam are going to Niall’s pub tonight, let’s go too.”

“Okay,” is Harry’s muffled reply. Louis removes the textbook from his face and turns his face in that direction to find Harry is laying face first on the couch. “My brain is turning to mush. I don’t want to coook.”

Louis gets up and lays on top of Harry. “Get up babe. I don’t think they’ll appreciate us showing up in dirty joggers. And text Liam, yeah? My phone died.”

“I’d get up, but there’s a Boobear attached to my back,” Harry grumbles from underneath him. Louis wiggles a little, then gets off Harry and smacks his cute little bubble butt. “Heeeyyyyyy!”

“That’s what you get for calling me Boobear, Babycakes. Now up! We’ve got places to go and people to see!” Louis calls as he’s walking away.

He puts on a pair of skinny jeans that he has to roll at the ankles more than usual. They may be Harry’s. He pairs it with a lavender jumper that might also be Harry’s. Oh well. He spends a couple minutes fiddling with his hair before giving up and putting on a grey beanie. Good enough. He leaves his room and finds Harry next to the door looking flawless in his usual super tight skinny jeans and a soft seeming henley. It’s not the first time he’s noticed how attractive his best mate is, anyone with eyes can see how beautiful the boy is, but it’s the first time he’s felt the desire to pull him into a kiss and maybe mark him a little. Except that feeling isn’t really new either.

Louis clears his throat and watches Harry’s dimples pop as he smiles in his direction. Louis can’t help but grin back. “Did you text Liam?” Harry nods and opens the door. Louis feels a smack on his ass as he moves past him and spins around.

“Did you just do what I think you did, Styles?” he questions, pointing an accusing finger at the grinning boy at the door.

“That depends,” Harry says, locking the door. “What do you think I just did? Because if it’s retaliation for earlier by smacking your glorious ass, then I am not ashamed to admit to it. If it’s anything else then probably not.”

“You are so strange,” Louis tells him as they start down the sidewalk.

“Quirky.” Harry corrects.

“Strange.” Louis argues.

They continue like that the rest of the short walk to the pub. Liam and Zayn are already there with a couple orders of chips and a some pints.

“ _Quirky_ ,” Harry insists as they sit down. He’s about to continue their argument but he sees the you-two-are-so-weird expression that they’ve been given a lot lately from their friends and settles for tugging on a curl and stealing a chip. Liam coughs and Louis moves his attention to him.

“Nice to see you two,” Liam tells him.

“We saw you guys last week when you came over to watch that movie,” he points out. Zayn raises an eyebrow.

“Really? Because you seemed too busy making heart eyes at Harry and then falling asleep on top of him halfway through.” Louis steals another chip and flips him off. Zayn can fuck off really.

“Um. So what have you two been up to?” Harry asks, always the peacekeeper.

They’ve been holed up studying too and the four of them chat about exams and what they think they’re going to do well on and what they think they aren’t and complain about professors. Eventually the chips and pints are gone so Harry offers to go get this round. Louis’ eyes follow him to the bar and he watches him talk to Niall for a minute. He feels someone pinch his side and he turns back to the other boys.

“What?” he scowls at them, pointedly rubbing his side. They have matching smirks and he does not like how often those two have been doing that lately. Liam’s smirk widens into a grin.

“Relationships are nice,” Liam says, innocently. Louis squints at him, unsure of where this is going.

“I suppose they might be but I wouldn’t really know…” Louis replies, slightly suspicious.

“Harry?” Liam prompts. He’s starting to see where this is going, but he’s going to not let it get there.

“He’s a good lad. Nice little body,” he says offhandedly. That comment might not have been the brush off he wanted it to be. He wishes he had some more chips to stuff in his mouth, or that burger that Harry promised to bring back. Where was Harry anyway? He probably should’ve been back by now. He moves slightly to peek at the bar again. Harry is still standing where he last saw him, but this time a quiffed up man is talking to him, gently resting a hand on his bicep. Nope. That’s not happening.

“- want to be?” Liam finishes a sentence that Louis really wasn’t listening to.

“Speaking of Harry, I’m going to see if he needs help,” Louis’ eyes are still on the bar as he stands up and ignores whatever the other boys might be saying. He doesn’t need their input. By the time he gets up there the man has dropped his hand, but just to be safe Louis slides his hand around Harry’s waist.

“Lou!” Harry sounds as happy to see him as always. He moves his body just so he’s slightly blocking the stranger from Harry.

“Need some help, love?” he offers.

Harry shakes his head. “I was just about to head back.” They turn around and walk back to the table. Harry seems to have completely forgotten about the man just by Louis showing up, a feat he’s privately proud of. It’s only several minutes later, after Niall brings round more pints, that Louis realizes Liam was asking if he wanted to be in a relationship with Harry. It isn’t until after he’s crawled into bed for the night, still in Harry’s jumper, that he realizes he does.

 **I might be a bit fucked.** He texts Zayn the next day around noon. He’s been awake since 10:30, his brain stuck on how badly he wants to be with Harry, and if there’s a remote possibility that Harry could possibly feel the same.

 _Did you finally realize it?_ Who asked Zayn to be so all knowing? Not Louis.

**That I’m maybe have a bit of a crush on Haz?**

_Mate you laughed at his giraffe joke._

**Okay maybe it’s a bit more than a crush.**

**What do I do?**

_Since there’s almost no possible way he doesn’t not feel the same, ask him out._

**How do you know he feels the same?**

_He lights up like a christmas tree whenever you so much as blink at him. I think it’s safe to say he feels the same._

**Assuming you’re right, what do I do?**

_Ask. Him. The. Fuck. Out._

**But how. It’s got to be perfect.**

_I don’t know mate. How would you like to be asked out._

Louis stops for a minute to think. He glances over at his bedside table and spots the “WORLD’S BEST GRANDMA” mug Harry bought him his first day here. An idea hits him.

**Do you think you could get Liam to take Harry out for the day, and let Niall crash at your guys tonight? And also come over and help me.**

_You’re going to do this today?_

**No time like the present mate.**

_I’ll see what I can do._

**Thanks. xx**

Louis smiles to himself and starts to get ready for the day. He’s got a boy to woo and not a minute to waste.

* * *

He’s just setting the last thing, a vase with roses in it, on the table when Harry walks through the door.

“Lou? Do you think we’re getting too co-dependant? Liam said that we were getting there which is why he took me shopping today but I don’t think that’s fair because we just-” Harry freezes when he sees the table and stops in the middle of what Louis can tell was going to be a good ramble. “Lou?”

Harry’s eyes are darting from the table to Louis, to the flowers, to Louis, to the food, to Louis, to the flowers, before settling on Louis.

“Please sit,” he pulls out a chair for Harry and watches the boy nearly fall onto it.

“You made this?” he asks, eyes still focused on Louis.

“It’s just chicken, stuffed with mozzarella, wrapped in parma ham, with a side of homemade mash,” he takes his own seat. “And yes, I made it. Don’t worry. Zayn supervised so your kitchen is still intact.” He picks up his fork and motions for Harry to do the same. He does and eats a couple of bites, making pleased noises as he tastes the food. He sets down his fork though, and stares at Louis again.

“Louis, this is delicious, and I’m grateful, and the roses are a nice touch but is there a reason you made dinner? I thought you couldn’t cook,” Harry smiles at him reassuringly, and starts eating again.

“Well. It’s a special occasion, innit?” Louis casually suggests. Harry’s eyebrows quirk up in an unspoken question. “It’s not every day I ask my favorite boy if he’d be interested on going on dates with me and maybe being my boyfriend.”

Harry swallows quickly. “Me?” he chokes out.

“Well. I was sort of hoping you, yes.” he bites his lip and fiddles with his fork. If Zayn was wrong about this he’s going to fucking kill him. He hears Harry’s chair scoot back, and then there’s hands on his face and he’s lost in the greenest eyes he’s ever seen.

“Louis,” Harry breathes. “I would love to be your boyfriend and take you on dates. I’ve been in love with you since I was 16. I realized it too late though. Thought I had lost you forever. I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to get another chance.”

“Kiss me you fool,” Louis mumbles and then they are. Harry’s lips are on his and it’s a clear night sky with thousands of stars shimmering around him, it’s acing all his exams, it’s coming home. It’s the most perfect thing Louis has ever felt.

Later that night when he’s laying wrapped in Harry’s arms he decides that out of all the possible scenarios that began with Harry appearing in his kitchen after three years, that this was the best possible ending.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Now that the author reveal is done here is a link to my [1D tumblr](http://notthatimprtant.tumblr.com/). Here are are the links to my [lovely](http://queen-chief.tumblr.com/) [betas](http://electrical-banana.tumblr.com/) follow them~


End file.
